In anticipation of the upcoming Premier League campaign, here are last year's goals of the season.
3 years ago
7.31.2009
7.30.2009
Another fowarded joke from my dad
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently passed gas.
The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and it reverberated down the hall! He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness. The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"
Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."
"Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.
"Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently passed gas.
The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and it reverberated down the hall! He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness. The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"
Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."
"Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.
"Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"
Celebrity
As seen in August 08 Glamour magazine. Basically I'm an international playboy.
I’d also like to note that this quote was hardly what I said, verbatim. In fact, this is a mere bastardization of my actual statement, which was made at 11:00am on a rainy, hungover, Manhattan morning. What I said was much more clever and witty than this PG-13 version – I assure you.
I’d also like to note that this quote was hardly what I said, verbatim. In fact, this is a mere bastardization of my actual statement, which was made at 11:00am on a rainy, hungover, Manhattan morning. What I said was much more clever and witty than this PG-13 version – I assure you.
7.23.2009
What. A. Strike.
Another video? Sure. Especially when it's featuring brilliance like this.
This is easily one of the purest strikes I've ever seen. The lad just cannot hit it any better than he does here. From 35+ yards, easily - and the keeper is grounded.
This is easily one of the purest strikes I've ever seen. The lad just cannot hit it any better than he does here. From 35+ yards, easily - and the keeper is grounded.
7.21.2009
I'd like my birthday party here, please
Brooklyn Bowl
Located at 61 Wythe Ave. in Brooklyn, NY, this ultimate hang out spot sports a 16-lane bowling alley, a 600-capacity performance venue for concerts, and niceties like a custom-designed JBL Vertec sound system, a nine-screen high-definition digital video projection system overtop the lanes, cushy black Chesterfield couches, a bar that resembles a 19th century Coney Island shooting gallery serving up no less than 10 Brooklyn-brewed draughts, tables crafted from old bowling lanes, and an eclectic food menu created by local favorite Blue Ribbon. If The Dude were a non-broke New Yorker, this would be his hangout.
Pretty badass - except for the price, I'd imagine.
Found at Uncrate.
Located at 61 Wythe Ave. in Brooklyn, NY, this ultimate hang out spot sports a 16-lane bowling alley, a 600-capacity performance venue for concerts, and niceties like a custom-designed JBL Vertec sound system, a nine-screen high-definition digital video projection system overtop the lanes, cushy black Chesterfield couches, a bar that resembles a 19th century Coney Island shooting gallery serving up no less than 10 Brooklyn-brewed draughts, tables crafted from old bowling lanes, and an eclectic food menu created by local favorite Blue Ribbon. If The Dude were a non-broke New Yorker, this would be his hangout.
Pretty badass - except for the price, I'd imagine.
Found at Uncrate.
Amazing
I'm not usually too terribly into bluegrass, jazz fusion, and the like, but this takes the cake.
Bela Fleck and Flecktones (which includes world virtuoso bassist Victor Wooten) are pretty damned cool, and this happens to be my favorite song of theirs.
Performed live - just sick. And I tend to love steel drums with all my heart.
Bela Fleck and Flecktones (which includes world virtuoso bassist Victor Wooten) are pretty damned cool, and this happens to be my favorite song of theirs.
Performed live - just sick. And I tend to love steel drums with all my heart.
7.16.2009
So indie, it hurts
So Pitchfork is a pretty funny site. Wading through an album review, you'll find a dictionary, thesaurus, abacus, and protractor are all necessities to decipher half the shit they spew. The writing isn't for the faint of heart (nor is it for someone who just is curious to another layman's opinion of a band's latest offering). In fact, David Cross wrote a hilarious tongue-in-cheek review of the site, on the site. Read that here.
An example, whilst reading the review of the latest Doves album:
Perhaps this restlessness is indicative of certain frustration on Doves' part in seeing their efforts eclipsed by less imaginative, more mawkish Britpop bands, and in turn, a desire to distance themselves from the sad-sack pack; it's hard to imagine the likes of Elbow turning in something quite as fierce and paranoid as "House of Mirrors", a fuzz-soaked stomper punctuated by jarring, bump-in-the-night sound effects.
Yes, that was one sentence. It's okay though - one of Pitchfork's most redeeming traits rests in its "TV" section. Here, you can find countless videos of music, whether it be music videos, live performances, etc.
It's pretty awesome. Here are a few that I find to be most excellent for the price - zero dollars, American.
Vampire Weekend - M79
Phoenix - 1901
The Hold Steady - Lord I'm Discouraged
An example, whilst reading the review of the latest Doves album:
Perhaps this restlessness is indicative of certain frustration on Doves' part in seeing their efforts eclipsed by less imaginative, more mawkish Britpop bands, and in turn, a desire to distance themselves from the sad-sack pack; it's hard to imagine the likes of Elbow turning in something quite as fierce and paranoid as "House of Mirrors", a fuzz-soaked stomper punctuated by jarring, bump-in-the-night sound effects.
Yes, that was one sentence. It's okay though - one of Pitchfork's most redeeming traits rests in its "TV" section. Here, you can find countless videos of music, whether it be music videos, live performances, etc.
It's pretty awesome. Here are a few that I find to be most excellent for the price - zero dollars, American.
Vampire Weekend - M79
Phoenix - 1901
The Hold Steady - Lord I'm Discouraged
7.15.2009
Outstanding idea
It's ideas like this that really piss me off - sure, it's genius, but why in the hell did I not think of it?
From Uncrate:
Why carry around a separate bulky keychain when your key can be the chain? The Split Ring Key ($7/2-pack) is a blank that can be cut by any key cutter to fit KW1 or SC1 keyways, but featuring a ring at the top for connecting the rest of your keys, letting you get rid yourself of yet another unsightly pocket bulge.
This little beauty will increase your left pocket's real estate three-fold. Buy here.
From Uncrate:
Why carry around a separate bulky keychain when your key can be the chain? The Split Ring Key ($7/2-pack) is a blank that can be cut by any key cutter to fit KW1 or SC1 keyways, but featuring a ring at the top for connecting the rest of your keys, letting you get rid yourself of yet another unsightly pocket bulge.
This little beauty will increase your left pocket's real estate three-fold. Buy here.
7.08.2009
I laughed
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer.. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died . . . I'm married to his fuckin' widow."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer.. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died . . . I'm married to his fuckin' widow."
6.24.2009
Now you can hold your drink, foodstuffs, and still scratch your groin!
Introducing the "Go Plate" - it fits over cans, bottles, or even solo cups for those real classy summer parties.
I think it's wonderful. You can get them here.
I think it's wonderful. You can get them here.
6.16.2009
Strong Island
I'm not sure whether to laugh or to... actually, it's pretty clear-cut. These are the biggest bunch of effing morons I've ever seen.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Long Island Wants to Secede | ||||
| ||||
6.15.2009
Stop your bitching
Your life is not nearly as difficult as you'd like to believe.
Fantastic inspiration for a Monday morning.
Fantastic inspiration for a Monday morning.
6.10.2009
6.09.2009
Graaaaandpa
You wily ol' devil, you.
The doors to a Center City bank swung open yesterday morning, and in shuffled trouble.
It's likely that at first, no one was intimidated by the presence of the man with the hunched shoulders, flat-brimmed baseball cap and large, dark sunglasses.
But within seconds, the awful truth was apparent inside the Citizens Bank at 20th and Market streets: They were in the presence of the rarest of criminals - an elderly bandit.
The thief, a white man who FBI officials said is "in his 60s, maybe 70s," struck at 9:34 a.m., when he handed a pillowcase to a bank teller and demanded cash.
The teller complied. FBI officials said the bandit fled on foot, and soon sported the fruits of his labor across his brown shirt - stains from an exploding dye pack that was hidden inside his stolen loot.
Surveillance images were released also showing the thin, 5-foot-11 crook - who wore khaki pants and brown, Timberland-style boots - as he entered the bank and then collected his pillowcase full of cash.
"Clearly, this was unusual," said an FBI spokesman, Special Agent J.J. Klaver. "He was on the older side of what we usually see."
Since 2006, the FBI has arrested just one bank robber who was in his 60s or 70s.
Typically, FBI agents are hunting for thieves who are in their 30s, Klaver noted.
--------------------
Link. Courtesy of Chili-dog
The doors to a Center City bank swung open yesterday morning, and in shuffled trouble.
It's likely that at first, no one was intimidated by the presence of the man with the hunched shoulders, flat-brimmed baseball cap and large, dark sunglasses.
But within seconds, the awful truth was apparent inside the Citizens Bank at 20th and Market streets: They were in the presence of the rarest of criminals - an elderly bandit.
The thief, a white man who FBI officials said is "in his 60s, maybe 70s," struck at 9:34 a.m., when he handed a pillowcase to a bank teller and demanded cash.
The teller complied. FBI officials said the bandit fled on foot, and soon sported the fruits of his labor across his brown shirt - stains from an exploding dye pack that was hidden inside his stolen loot.
Surveillance images were released also showing the thin, 5-foot-11 crook - who wore khaki pants and brown, Timberland-style boots - as he entered the bank and then collected his pillowcase full of cash.
"Clearly, this was unusual," said an FBI spokesman, Special Agent J.J. Klaver. "He was on the older side of what we usually see."
Since 2006, the FBI has arrested just one bank robber who was in his 60s or 70s.
Typically, FBI agents are hunting for thieves who are in their 30s, Klaver noted.
--------------------
Link. Courtesy of Chili-dog
Oh, Jeremy Piven
This role looks like a real stretch for him...
Either way, it should prove to be hilarious.
Either way, it should prove to be hilarious.
6.05.2009
6.04.2009
Poor Cheeze
Unfortunately, Cheeze was placed under arrest last night by two officers in West Virginia. While the specifics remain unclear, this amateur video captured proceedings. I hope he is able to post bail.
6.03.2009
6.02.2009
More pleasing to the eye than, say, an old hopscotch game (Cheeze's favorite)
"Julian Beever is an English artist who is famous for his art on the pavements of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. Its peculiarity? Beever gives his drawings an anamorphosis view, his images are drawn in such a way which gives them three dimensionality when viewing from the correct angle."
This guy truly is ridiculous. Have a butcher's at some of the cooler ones below.
This guy truly is ridiculous. Have a butcher's at some of the cooler ones below.
6.01.2009
5.28.2009
Tip o' the Cap
Here's to the Catalan Giants for the well-deserved victory yesterday over the Manc scum, United. They were the better side all year, and they proved it with a dominating display in Rome. It was also refreshing to see ESPN show some love to the sporting event that garners nearly double the sets of eyes that the Super Bowl does. Now if Liverpool would just win again, we would all be happy.
FC Barca - Champions of Europe.
I think a bottle of wine or 8 was consumed in Spain last evening.
FC Barca - Champions of Europe.
I think a bottle of wine or 8 was consumed in Spain last evening.
5.26.2009
A lacrosse game sans Hopkins/Duke/UVA?
It does exist! And what a dandy yesterday's Championship between Empire-state rivals Cornell and the Cuse turned out to be.
5.20.2009
Holy Balls
I want one.
The John Deere M-Gator A1 ($TBD) is a combat-proven military utility vehicle that you can now put to use in your backyard. Powered by an 854cc Tier II Yanmar diesel engine, the 6x4 A1 navigates the toughest terrain and features a keyless ignition, dual radiator cooling system, and ample cargo room (1650 lbs total payload capacity) in the front and back. Once only available to military organizations, now the A1 can be purchased by "first responders in search and rescue operations."
Surely joy-riding atop my neighbor's flowerbed qualifies.
The John Deere M-Gator A1 ($TBD) is a combat-proven military utility vehicle that you can now put to use in your backyard. Powered by an 854cc Tier II Yanmar diesel engine, the 6x4 A1 navigates the toughest terrain and features a keyless ignition, dual radiator cooling system, and ample cargo room (1650 lbs total payload capacity) in the front and back. Once only available to military organizations, now the A1 can be purchased by "first responders in search and rescue operations."
Surely joy-riding atop my neighbor's flowerbed qualifies.
5.19.2009
5.18.2009
Not Terrible at Piano
This is my buddy Dave. He writes songs and such for a living and is quite good at it. See for yourself, as he covers Dispatch's "The General".
Have a butcher's at his website and listen to his original stuff. Makes me wish I was still playing. It also makes me wish Cheeze didn't still live at home, but those are the breaks.
One sentence, Peter Travers-esque review of album: "
Have a butcher's at his website and listen to his original stuff. Makes me wish I was still playing. It also makes me wish Cheeze didn't still live at home, but those are the breaks.
One sentence, Peter Travers-esque review of album: "
5.15.2009
Hey, Brett Favre
I have an idea. Shut up and stay retired. No one gives a shit about your shoulder or meeting with the Vikes or anything.
Stick to filming Wrangler commercials - Chazz insists that your presence in their marketing campaign is allowing them to become more acceptable amongst commoners. At least, that's what he and his new pair of shorts wants to believe.
Stick to filming Wrangler commercials - Chazz insists that your presence in their marketing campaign is allowing them to become more acceptable amongst commoners. At least, that's what he and his new pair of shorts wants to believe.
5.12.2009
5.08.2009
Outstanding
More outrageous fake-cyber conversations. I love this so much.
------------------------
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate: Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja: How did you know?
Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate: What the fuck?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate: F**k
----------------------------
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
------------------------
Bloodninja: Wanna cyber?
DirtyKate: K, but don't tell anybody ;-)
DirtyKate: Who are you?
Bloodninja: I've got blond hair, blue eyes, I work out a lot
Bloodninja: And I have a part time job delivering for Papa John's in my Geo Storm.
DirtyKate: You sound sexy.. I bet you want me in the back of your car..
Bloodninja: Maybe some other time. You should call up Papa John's and make an order
DirtyKate: Haha! OK
DirtyKate: Hello! I'd like an extra-EXTRA large pizza just dripping with sauce.
Bloodninja: Well, first they would say, "Hello, this is Papa John's, how may I help you", then they tell you the specials, and then you would make your order. So that's an X-Large. What toppings do you want?
DirtyKate: I want everything, baby!
Bloodninja: Is this a delivery?
DirtyKate: Umm...Yes
DirtyKate: So you're bringing the pizza to my house now? Cause I'm home alone... and I think I'll take a shower...
Bloodninja: Good. It will take about fifteen minutes to cook, and then I'll drive to your house.
**pause**
DirtyKate:I'm almost finished with my shower... Hurry up!
Bloodninja: You can't hurry good pizza.
Bloodninja: I'm on my way now though
**pause**
DirtyKate: So you're at my front door now.
Bloodninja: How did you know?
Bloodninja: I knock but you can't hear me cause you're in the shower. So I let myself in, and walk inside. I put the pizza down on your coffee table.
Bloodninja: Are you ready to get nasty, baby? I'm as hot as a pizza oven
DirtyKate: ooohh yeah. I step out of the shower and I'm all wet and cold. Warm me up baby
Bloodninja: So you're still in the bathroom?
DirtyKate: Yeah, I'm wrapping a towel around myself.
Bloodninja: I can no longer resist the pizza. I open the box and unzip my pants with my other hand. As I penetrate the gooey cheese, I moan in ecstacy. The mushrooms and Italian sausage are rough, but the sauce is deliciously soothing. I blow my load in seconds. As you leave the bathroom, I exit through the front door....
DirtyKate: What the fuck?
DirtyKate: You perverted piece of s**t
DirtyKate: F**k
----------------------------
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 280 pounds.I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Walmart.I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner...it smells funny.
Sweetheart: I want you.Would you like to screw me?
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom.There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table.I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse.My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure.The cool silk slides off my warm skin.I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse.I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it.I'm wearing a lacy black bra.My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra.I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly.I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you...umm... wait a minute.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Can I help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.
Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately-our naked bodies pressing each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart Why don't you take off your glasses?
Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know ...thing...in your...you know...woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: What?
Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my weiner all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.
Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell. I'm logging off, you loser!
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh noooo!
5.07.2009
"That's nawt a spidah, THIS is a spidah"
Eff me in the b. Huge spiders on the prowl in the Australian Outback.
Australia is known around the world for its large and deadly creepy crawlies, but even locals have been shocked by the size of the giant venomous spiders that have invaded an Outback town in Queensland.
Scores of eastern tarantulas, which are known as “bird-eating spiders” and can grow larger than the palm of a man’s hand, have begun crawling out from gardens and venturing into public spaces in Bowen, a coastal town about 700 miles northwest of Brisbane.
Earlier this week locals spotted an Australian tarantula wandering towards a public garden in the centre of town where people often sit for lunch. They called in a pest controller, but not before using a can of insect spray to paralyse the spider.
Audy Geiszler, who runs Amalgamated Pest Control in Bowen, said that the spider was a large male with powerful long fangs and was so big that when he placed it – dead – in the palm of his hand its legs hung over his fingers.
I hate them I hate them I hate them. Full story here.
Jacked from the always amusing High Definite.
5.06.2009
5.05.2009
I was afraid to go down a set of 8 stairs on my bike
This guy apparently is not burdened by that fear.
Note to Self: avoid beer poing with this individual
Because he will shoot you until you are no longer living.
Now I know what you're thinking - "This gentleman appears to be perfectly sane and reasonable. It must be a case of mistaken identity." To which I would point to the following:
For an argument over plastic cups, a pingpong ball and warm beer, one Montgomery County man lost his life and another may spend the rest of his in prison.
Joseph B. Jimenez, 24, was charged with first-degree murder for allegedly fatally shooting his opponent, Scott Riley, 25, following a game of beer pong at a Bridgeport home Friday night.
Investigators said that they don't know what rule infractions sparked the fight during the drinking game, but Bridgeport Police Chief Zenny Martyniuk said that the men knew each other before the match and had no prior issues.
Jimenez and Riley, both of Bridgeport, were playing beer pong at a small gathering at a mutual friend's house on Second Street near Mill when witnesses saw them arguing over the game, police said. Several witnesses even told investigators that they believed that the men were play-wrestling or horsing around.
Jimenez allegedly told police that after the game, he left the house through the front door and Riley left with another man through the back door.
Once outside, according to one witness, Jimenez and Riley ran into each other in a pedestrian-only alleyway and began talking trash.
According to court documents, Jimenez claimed that Riley had said, "Shoot me! Shoot me! You guys ain't got the b----!"
Jimenez pulled a .40-caliber Taurus handgun from his waistband and shot Riley once in the neck, police said.
Yikes. As someone who talks more shit than is safe or reasonable during pong, this is a bit troubling. Read all about this jackass here. I bet he insisted upon multiple racks and had is hand well over the line during each throw.
5.04.2009
(Insert Doggy Style Pun)
Aside from the ridicule-induced tears I usually receive after using the urinal, it's not often that I find myself with salty drops streaming down my face whilst at work. This video, however, caused just that to occur.
The simple pleasures in life... Enjoy.
The simple pleasures in life... Enjoy.
5.01.2009
More swine flu tips
I would advise against doing the following:
To say nothing of below:
Courtesy of TLyttle, who is never short on animal picture forwards.
To say nothing of below:
Courtesy of TLyttle, who is never short on animal picture forwards.
4.29.2009
Yes, please
The Guinness 250 Anniversary Stout
Love your stout? Then pick yourself up a pack of Guinness 250 Anniversary Stout ($10/six pack). Created to celebrate the 250th anniversary of Arthur Guinness' signing of the lease for his St. James' Gate Brewery in Dublin, this fizzier, maltier version of Guinness is poured at an angle, and packs a stronger alcoholic punch than its sudsy sibling. But don't wait too long: it will only be available for six months.
I'll take 8 dozen 6ers, please.
Buy here.
Love your stout? Then pick yourself up a pack of Guinness 250 Anniversary Stout ($10/six pack). Created to celebrate the 250th anniversary of Arthur Guinness' signing of the lease for his St. James' Gate Brewery in Dublin, this fizzier, maltier version of Guinness is poured at an angle, and packs a stronger alcoholic punch than its sudsy sibling. But don't wait too long: it will only be available for six months.
I'll take 8 dozen 6ers, please.
Buy here.
4.27.2009
Jools Holland is a stupid name...
...but he sure gets good acts on his show. Here are few good ones.
Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) recorded live on Later with Jools Holland
Radiohead - Paranoid Android
Doves - Kingdom of Rust / Winter Hill
Arcade Fire - Neighborhood #3 (Power Out) recorded live on Later with Jools Holland
Radiohead - Paranoid Android
Doves - Kingdom of Rust / Winter Hill
4.23.2009
Cheeze's imagination is what makes him special
A tip of the cap to BennyMac for unveiling this never before seen footage of Cheeze at his very best.
4.21.2009
What? That's not normal?
I have always thought Roger Clemens to be batshit crazy. This officially removes all doubt, however.
--------------------
One of the most memorable parts of the book that hasn't made it out yet is a bizarre story about Roger Clemens, and how he prepared for starts.
The story comes courtesy of Yankee trainer Steve Donahue who told Verducci about what Roger Clemens did as part of his usual routine to get ready for facing the Mets in Game 2 of the 2000 World Series. Donahue said Clemens’ usual pregame preparation included taking a whirlpool bath at the hottest temperature possible.
“He’d come out looking like a lobster,” Donahue said.
But here's the money quote:
Then Donahue would rub the hottest possible liniment on his testicles.
“He’d start snorting like a bull,” the trainer said. “That’s when he was ready to pitch.”
Man, talk about way too much information. That must be why Roger was such a crotchety bastard on the mound. Well, that and the steroids.
-------------------------
Awesome. Link here.
--------------------
One of the most memorable parts of the book that hasn't made it out yet is a bizarre story about Roger Clemens, and how he prepared for starts.
The story comes courtesy of Yankee trainer Steve Donahue who told Verducci about what Roger Clemens did as part of his usual routine to get ready for facing the Mets in Game 2 of the 2000 World Series. Donahue said Clemens’ usual pregame preparation included taking a whirlpool bath at the hottest temperature possible.
“He’d come out looking like a lobster,” Donahue said.
But here's the money quote:
Then Donahue would rub the hottest possible liniment on his testicles.
“He’d start snorting like a bull,” the trainer said. “That’s when he was ready to pitch.”
Man, talk about way too much information. That must be why Roger was such a crotchety bastard on the mound. Well, that and the steroids.
-------------------------
Awesome. Link here.
4.17.2009
Lunchtime!
"Seems a sheep farmer in Alton, Illinois was puzzled about the disappearance of some sheep on his farm. After a few weeks the farmer decided to put up an electric fence. About a week later, this is what he found."
Goooooo. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to change my underwear and convince coworkers in the office next door that a woman was not just weeping inconsolably.
Goooooo. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to change my underwear and convince coworkers in the office next door that a woman was not just weeping inconsolably.
4.15.2009
Story of my life
Particularly the bit about Mike Tyson.
This will probably be equal parts stupid and hilarious.
This will probably be equal parts stupid and hilarious.
4.08.2009
4.07.2009
Best. Week. Ever.
Arguably the best 7 day stretch of the sports year rolls on today, with another full slate of baseball games to help us forget about the lamest National Championship game ever that occurred last night.
But really, find me a better 7 days. It's impossible. Actually, make that 8 days.
From last Saturday until this coming Sunday, there was/will be: Final Four, MLB Opening Day, National Championship game, more baseball, Champions League Quarter Finals, even more Baseball, even more CL Quarters, baseball, and the Masters.
So we here at AU are happy because the Mariners and the O's are on pace for 162 wins, Junior Griffey is going to hit 162 bombs, and King Felix will win 28 games.
But really, find me a better 7 days. It's impossible. Actually, make that 8 days.
From last Saturday until this coming Sunday, there was/will be: Final Four, MLB Opening Day, National Championship game, more baseball, Champions League Quarter Finals, even more Baseball, even more CL Quarters, baseball, and the Masters.
So we here at AU are happy because the Mariners and the O's are on pace for 162 wins, Junior Griffey is going to hit 162 bombs, and King Felix will win 28 games.
4.06.2009
Nerds Unite!
Despite never having seen a Star Trek movie (I promise), and the flagrant stealing of the Dark Knight score, this trailer is fairly awesome.
If anyone came make this franchise less associated with living in your mom's basement, JJ Abrams can.
If anyone came make this franchise less associated with living in your mom's basement, JJ Abrams can.
Beisbol been bery, bery good to me!
B Harris' stone-cold locks:
AL East - Like Cheeze said, this is without a doubt the strongest division in baseball. You almost feel for organization like the Jays and O's, who in years past had to contend with 2 thoroughbreds - now, it appears those cute little Rays are here and here for good. As for how they'll finish - you really can't find much between the top three: Rays get the nod for defense, Yanks for bats, and Sox for their arms. I like the Yanks here.
AL Central - Should be a two-horse race between the Twinks and the Tribe. Of course, no one gave the ChiSox the time of day last year, and everyone expected the Tigers to score 1,800 runs. Detroit has no healthy arms, (save Verlander), the Whitesox will have to rely entirely too much on an aging rotation (save Denks and Floyd, the latter of which can expect his numbers to rise significantly this year), and the Royals are for whatever reason, the sexy pick on the lot. A good rule of thumb is to ignore anything that comes out of John Kruk's mouth. Ditto Steve Philips. Actually, how about we just lump all of ESPN toegether. Read ESPN for game recaps - that's it. Their results-based analysis that focuses on things like "grit", "veteran leadership", etc. is awful. But that's a different rant. I like the Tribe.
AL West - Terrible division. You can make an argument for all four teams. Obviously, being the homer that I am, expect Felix to pitch the M's to an improbable West title. Man, that was easy.
NL East - I like the Mets here. They've shit the bed the past two years when they've clearly been the best team in that division. While signing "closers" to huge contracts is ridiculous, KRod and Putz is an awfully nice back-end.
NL Central - Cubbies. Too much pop, too much pitching. Easily the class of the NL.
NL West - Hmm, which team will be first to 80 wins? I say the Dodgers. Heinous division, though.
WS - Yankees over Cubs
AL MVP - Maybe this year, people will give this guy credit for being the best AL centerfielder - a role he has held for 2+ years now. Grady Sizemore.
NL MVP - Prince Albert. Best player on the planet.
AL Cy Young - I'm not going to pick Felix, that would be too easy. Doc Halladay - best pitcher that doesn't get nearly the credit he deserves.
NL Cy Young - I hope Lincecum. But I'm betting on Johan, because the stupid baseball writers are stupid.
AL ROY - Elvis Andrus
NL ROY - Colby Rasmus
Play ball.
AL East - Like Cheeze said, this is without a doubt the strongest division in baseball. You almost feel for organization like the Jays and O's, who in years past had to contend with 2 thoroughbreds - now, it appears those cute little Rays are here and here for good. As for how they'll finish - you really can't find much between the top three: Rays get the nod for defense, Yanks for bats, and Sox for their arms. I like the Yanks here.
AL Central - Should be a two-horse race between the Twinks and the Tribe. Of course, no one gave the ChiSox the time of day last year, and everyone expected the Tigers to score 1,800 runs. Detroit has no healthy arms, (save Verlander), the Whitesox will have to rely entirely too much on an aging rotation (save Denks and Floyd, the latter of which can expect his numbers to rise significantly this year), and the Royals are for whatever reason, the sexy pick on the lot. A good rule of thumb is to ignore anything that comes out of John Kruk's mouth. Ditto Steve Philips. Actually, how about we just lump all of ESPN toegether. Read ESPN for game recaps - that's it. Their results-based analysis that focuses on things like "grit", "veteran leadership", etc. is awful. But that's a different rant. I like the Tribe.
AL West - Terrible division. You can make an argument for all four teams. Obviously, being the homer that I am, expect Felix to pitch the M's to an improbable West title. Man, that was easy.
NL East - I like the Mets here. They've shit the bed the past two years when they've clearly been the best team in that division. While signing "closers" to huge contracts is ridiculous, KRod and Putz is an awfully nice back-end.
NL Central - Cubbies. Too much pop, too much pitching. Easily the class of the NL.
NL West - Hmm, which team will be first to 80 wins? I say the Dodgers. Heinous division, though.
WS - Yankees over Cubs
AL MVP - Maybe this year, people will give this guy credit for being the best AL centerfielder - a role he has held for 2+ years now. Grady Sizemore.
NL MVP - Prince Albert. Best player on the planet.
AL Cy Young - I'm not going to pick Felix, that would be too easy. Doc Halladay - best pitcher that doesn't get nearly the credit he deserves.
NL Cy Young - I hope Lincecum. But I'm betting on Johan, because the stupid baseball writers are stupid.
AL ROY - Elvis Andrus
NL ROY - Colby Rasmus
Play ball.
4.03.2009
Not so fast, females
In a move undoubtedly supported by Cheeze, an Israeli ultra-orthodox newspaper has Photoshopped out two members of the new cabinet. Because they are female. Awesome.
In this combination of an originally transmitted image, top, and a digitally altered image that appeared in the Israeli ultra-orthodox newspaper Yated Neeman , show Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, center left, President Shimon Peres, center right, and members of Netanyahu's new government as they pose for an official photo at Peres' residence in Jerusalem Wednesday, April 1, 2009. In the bottom photo from the newspaper Yated Neeman,female cabinet ministers Limor Livnat, to the right of Netanyahu, and Sofa Landver , to the left of Netanyahu have been removed and replaced by Ariel Atias and Moshe Kachlon respectively.Two women serve in Israel's new Cabinet, but some Israelis would rather not see them. Newspapers aimed at ultra-Orthodox Jewish readers tampered with the inaugural photograph of the Cabinet, erasing ministers.
Bravo, Israel. Bravo.
Courtesy of KRod
In this combination of an originally transmitted image, top, and a digitally altered image that appeared in the Israeli ultra-orthodox newspaper Yated Neeman , show Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, center left, President Shimon Peres, center right, and members of Netanyahu's new government as they pose for an official photo at Peres' residence in Jerusalem Wednesday, April 1, 2009. In the bottom photo from the newspaper Yated Neeman,female cabinet ministers Limor Livnat, to the right of Netanyahu, and Sofa Landver , to the left of Netanyahu have been removed and replaced by Ariel Atias and Moshe Kachlon respectively.Two women serve in Israel's new Cabinet, but some Israelis would rather not see them. Newspapers aimed at ultra-Orthodox Jewish readers tampered with the inaugural photograph of the Cabinet, erasing ministers.
Bravo, Israel. Bravo.
Courtesy of KRod
4.02.2009
Either stop cheating or wear Groucho glasses
Because if you do neither, you're likely to be caught.
----------------------
Cheating Husband Caught on Google Street View
A furious wife has called in divorce lawyers after spotting her husband’s car parked outside another woman’s house — on Google. She saw the Range Rover while using the internet giant’s new Street View service to snoop on a female friend’s home.
The hubby had claimed he was away on business, but his missus recognised his motor immediately because of its blinged-up hubcaps. The love cheat is not the only husband trapped by Google’s controversial new 360-degree photo search which covers 25 cities and towns throughout the country.
Top media lawyer Mark Stephens said: “I was talking about the Range Rover case when another divorce lawyer came up to say his firm was dealing with the same sort of thing. People are getting caught out on Google. “I suspect the husband’s lawyers will claim it was an invasion of privacy that will cost him his marriage and Range Rover.”
Street View has triggered a stream of complaints from people caught on camera since its launch on March 20. Google removed some images — including a man sheepishly leaving a sex shop. An office worker was also caught having a crafty cigarette by a No Smoking sign. And yesterday The Sun told how a fleet of UFOs was spotted on Street View hovering over an East London bookies.
-------------------------
I suspect this is only the beginning. Of the end.
----------------------
Cheating Husband Caught on Google Street View
A furious wife has called in divorce lawyers after spotting her husband’s car parked outside another woman’s house — on Google. She saw the Range Rover while using the internet giant’s new Street View service to snoop on a female friend’s home.
The hubby had claimed he was away on business, but his missus recognised his motor immediately because of its blinged-up hubcaps. The love cheat is not the only husband trapped by Google’s controversial new 360-degree photo search which covers 25 cities and towns throughout the country.
Top media lawyer Mark Stephens said: “I was talking about the Range Rover case when another divorce lawyer came up to say his firm was dealing with the same sort of thing. People are getting caught out on Google. “I suspect the husband’s lawyers will claim it was an invasion of privacy that will cost him his marriage and Range Rover.”
Street View has triggered a stream of complaints from people caught on camera since its launch on March 20. Google removed some images — including a man sheepishly leaving a sex shop. An office worker was also caught having a crafty cigarette by a No Smoking sign. And yesterday The Sun told how a fleet of UFOs was spotted on Street View hovering over an East London bookies.
-------------------------
I suspect this is only the beginning. Of the end.
4.01.2009
3.31.2009
Move Over, The Rock...
...there's a new Scorpion King in town. He goes by Majed Elmalk, and he happens to hold the world record for putting scorpions in his mouth.
I'd imagine the guy whose record he broke was rather upset. He's no longer a world record holder - just some d-bag who let a bunch of these awful things in and around his mouth.
I'd imagine the guy whose record he broke was rather upset. He's no longer a world record holder - just some d-bag who let a bunch of these awful things in and around his mouth.
Max Making Mischief
Most of you have probably already seen the trailer for Spike Jonze's upcoming film, Where the Wild Things Are, based on the Cheeze-reading-level-approved book of the same name.
If you've already seen it, watch it again. It really is a phenomenal trailer - complete with a re-recorded version of Arcade Fire's "Wake Up".
If you've already seen it, watch it again. It really is a phenomenal trailer - complete with a re-recorded version of Arcade Fire's "Wake Up".
3.30.2009
He's Not Awful
In many ways, we're similar - particularly the golf swing. And the upper-body strength.
3.26.2009
3.25.2009
Hey, it's that guy that no one likes!
If you're anything like Cheeze (that is to say fond of dragons, large women, and JNCOs; and averse to the basic tenets of general hygiene, hitting a golf ball further than 85 yards, and wearing sandals without socks) then you probably have a hard time meeting the right person.
Whether you are too shy or just haven't brushed your teeth in a week, striking up a conversation or simply getting noticed, for that matter, is a problem in and of itself. Afraid she'll be turned off by what appears to be a mini Tootsie Roll behind your fly? Relax, Cheeze - your days of horrendous water-cooler faux pas are surely over. Just think how she'll react when she sees you walking into your place of employment surrounded by hordes of fake paparazzi!
For a price as low as $729.99, your average Z-lister — yes, that means you and me — can experience what it’s like to be the subject of a media melee. Companies such as Celeb 4 a Day can turn the average Joe into Joe Jonas, as a pack of people with cameras follow the paying customer for at least 30 minutes, leaving surrounding onlookers wondering: Who is that star?
That’s what a few people were wondering in a trendy neighborhood in downtown Manhattan recently as I got the Celeb 4 a Day treatment. You might ask — why would anyone pay to be hounded by cameras?
Read all about it here.
What kind of terrible society is this that the above companies exist, and Cheeze hasn't made it past 2nd base in 8 years? (of course, that's the literal 2nd base in his PC baseball simulator - the pitching is so real! As for the touching of boobs in life? Scoff).
Link courtesy of TLyttle, Cheeze's looks courtesy of mating gone wrong
Whether you are too shy or just haven't brushed your teeth in a week, striking up a conversation or simply getting noticed, for that matter, is a problem in and of itself. Afraid she'll be turned off by what appears to be a mini Tootsie Roll behind your fly? Relax, Cheeze - your days of horrendous water-cooler faux pas are surely over. Just think how she'll react when she sees you walking into your place of employment surrounded by hordes of fake paparazzi!
For a price as low as $729.99, your average Z-lister — yes, that means you and me — can experience what it’s like to be the subject of a media melee. Companies such as Celeb 4 a Day can turn the average Joe into Joe Jonas, as a pack of people with cameras follow the paying customer for at least 30 minutes, leaving surrounding onlookers wondering: Who is that star?
That’s what a few people were wondering in a trendy neighborhood in downtown Manhattan recently as I got the Celeb 4 a Day treatment. You might ask — why would anyone pay to be hounded by cameras?
Read all about it here.
What kind of terrible society is this that the above companies exist, and Cheeze hasn't made it past 2nd base in 8 years? (of course, that's the literal 2nd base in his PC baseball simulator - the pitching is so real! As for the touching of boobs in life? Scoff).
Link courtesy of TLyttle, Cheeze's looks courtesy of mating gone wrong
3.23.2009
Stevie
A virtuoso (from Italian virtuoso, late Latin virtuosus, Latin virtus meaning: skill, manliness, excellence) is an individual who possesses outstanding technical ability at singing or playing a musical instrument.
Requisite joke - "Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new (singular noun)? Neither has he." (AND THE FOUL!)
All blind jokes aside, this man is arguably one of the most talented musicians this world has ever seen. And coincidentally, these are my two favorite songs of his.
Requisite joke - "Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new (singular noun)? Neither has he." (AND THE FOUL!)
All blind jokes aside, this man is arguably one of the most talented musicians this world has ever seen. And coincidentally, these are my two favorite songs of his.
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