In anticipation of the upcoming Premier League campaign, here are last year's goals of the season.
2 months ago
7.31.2009
7.30.2009
Another fowarded joke from my dad
Dr. Epstein was a renowned physician who earned his undergraduate, graduate, and medical degrees in his home town and then left for Manhattan, where he quickly rose to the top of his field.
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently passed gas.
The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and it reverberated down the hall! He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness. The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"
Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."
"Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.
"Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"
Soon he was invited to deliver a significant paper, at a conference, coincidentally held in his home town. He walked on stage and placed his papers on the lectern, but they slid off onto the floor. As he bent over to retrieve them, at precisely the wrong instant, he inadvertently passed gas.
The microphone amplified his mistake resoundingly through the room and it reverberated down the hall! He was quite embarrassed but somehow regained his composure just enough to deliver his paper. He ignored the resounding applause and raced out the stage door, never to be seen in his home town again.
Decades later, when his elderly mother was ill, he returned to visit her. He reserved a hotel room under the name of Levy and arrived under cover of darkness. The desk clerk asked him, "Is this your first visit to our city, Mr. Levy?"
Dr. Epstein replied, "Well, young man, no, it isn't. I grew up here and received my education here, but then I moved away."
"Why haven't you visited?" asked the desk clerk.
"Actually, I did visit once, many years ago, but an embarrassing thing happened and since then I've been too ashamed to return."
The clerk consoled him. "Sir, while I don't have your life experience, one thing I have learned is that often what seems embarrassing to me isn't even remembered by others. I bet that's true of your incident too."
Dr. Epstein replied, "Son, I doubt that's the case with my incident."
"Was it a long time ago?"
"Yes, many years."
The clerk asked, "Was it before or after the Epstein Fart?"
Celebrity
As seen in August 08 Glamour magazine. Basically I'm an international playboy.
I’d also like to note that this quote was hardly what I said, verbatim. In fact, this is a mere bastardization of my actual statement, which was made at 11:00am on a rainy, hungover, Manhattan morning. What I said was much more clever and witty than this PG-13 version – I assure you.
I’d also like to note that this quote was hardly what I said, verbatim. In fact, this is a mere bastardization of my actual statement, which was made at 11:00am on a rainy, hungover, Manhattan morning. What I said was much more clever and witty than this PG-13 version – I assure you.
7.23.2009
What. A. Strike.
Another video? Sure. Especially when it's featuring brilliance like this.
This is easily one of the purest strikes I've ever seen. The lad just cannot hit it any better than he does here. From 35+ yards, easily - and the keeper is grounded.
This is easily one of the purest strikes I've ever seen. The lad just cannot hit it any better than he does here. From 35+ yards, easily - and the keeper is grounded.
7.21.2009
I'd like my birthday party here, please
Brooklyn Bowl
Located at 61 Wythe Ave. in Brooklyn, NY, this ultimate hang out spot sports a 16-lane bowling alley, a 600-capacity performance venue for concerts, and niceties like a custom-designed JBL Vertec sound system, a nine-screen high-definition digital video projection system overtop the lanes, cushy black Chesterfield couches, a bar that resembles a 19th century Coney Island shooting gallery serving up no less than 10 Brooklyn-brewed draughts, tables crafted from old bowling lanes, and an eclectic food menu created by local favorite Blue Ribbon. If The Dude were a non-broke New Yorker, this would be his hangout.
Pretty badass - except for the price, I'd imagine.
Found at Uncrate.
Located at 61 Wythe Ave. in Brooklyn, NY, this ultimate hang out spot sports a 16-lane bowling alley, a 600-capacity performance venue for concerts, and niceties like a custom-designed JBL Vertec sound system, a nine-screen high-definition digital video projection system overtop the lanes, cushy black Chesterfield couches, a bar that resembles a 19th century Coney Island shooting gallery serving up no less than 10 Brooklyn-brewed draughts, tables crafted from old bowling lanes, and an eclectic food menu created by local favorite Blue Ribbon. If The Dude were a non-broke New Yorker, this would be his hangout.
Pretty badass - except for the price, I'd imagine.
Found at Uncrate.
Amazing
I'm not usually too terribly into bluegrass, jazz fusion, and the like, but this takes the cake.
Bela Fleck and Flecktones (which includes world virtuoso bassist Victor Wooten) are pretty damned cool, and this happens to be my favorite song of theirs.
Performed live - just sick. And I tend to love steel drums with all my heart.
Bela Fleck and Flecktones (which includes world virtuoso bassist Victor Wooten) are pretty damned cool, and this happens to be my favorite song of theirs.
Performed live - just sick. And I tend to love steel drums with all my heart.
7.16.2009
So indie, it hurts
So Pitchfork is a pretty funny site. Wading through an album review, you'll find a dictionary, thesaurus, abacus, and protractor are all necessities to decipher half the shit they spew. The writing isn't for the faint of heart (nor is it for someone who just is curious to another layman's opinion of a band's latest offering). In fact, David Cross wrote a hilarious tongue-in-cheek review of the site, on the site. Read that here.
An example, whilst reading the review of the latest Doves album:
Perhaps this restlessness is indicative of certain frustration on Doves' part in seeing their efforts eclipsed by less imaginative, more mawkish Britpop bands, and in turn, a desire to distance themselves from the sad-sack pack; it's hard to imagine the likes of Elbow turning in something quite as fierce and paranoid as "House of Mirrors", a fuzz-soaked stomper punctuated by jarring, bump-in-the-night sound effects.
Yes, that was one sentence. It's okay though - one of Pitchfork's most redeeming traits rests in its "TV" section. Here, you can find countless videos of music, whether it be music videos, live performances, etc.
It's pretty awesome. Here are a few that I find to be most excellent for the price - zero dollars, American.
Vampire Weekend - M79
Phoenix - 1901
The Hold Steady - Lord I'm Discouraged
An example, whilst reading the review of the latest Doves album:
Perhaps this restlessness is indicative of certain frustration on Doves' part in seeing their efforts eclipsed by less imaginative, more mawkish Britpop bands, and in turn, a desire to distance themselves from the sad-sack pack; it's hard to imagine the likes of Elbow turning in something quite as fierce and paranoid as "House of Mirrors", a fuzz-soaked stomper punctuated by jarring, bump-in-the-night sound effects.
Yes, that was one sentence. It's okay though - one of Pitchfork's most redeeming traits rests in its "TV" section. Here, you can find countless videos of music, whether it be music videos, live performances, etc.
It's pretty awesome. Here are a few that I find to be most excellent for the price - zero dollars, American.
Vampire Weekend - M79
Phoenix - 1901
The Hold Steady - Lord I'm Discouraged
7.15.2009
Outstanding idea
It's ideas like this that really piss me off - sure, it's genius, but why in the hell did I not think of it?
From Uncrate:
Why carry around a separate bulky keychain when your key can be the chain? The Split Ring Key ($7/2-pack) is a blank that can be cut by any key cutter to fit KW1 or SC1 keyways, but featuring a ring at the top for connecting the rest of your keys, letting you get rid yourself of yet another unsightly pocket bulge.
This little beauty will increase your left pocket's real estate three-fold. Buy here.
From Uncrate:
Why carry around a separate bulky keychain when your key can be the chain? The Split Ring Key ($7/2-pack) is a blank that can be cut by any key cutter to fit KW1 or SC1 keyways, but featuring a ring at the top for connecting the rest of your keys, letting you get rid yourself of yet another unsightly pocket bulge.
This little beauty will increase your left pocket's real estate three-fold. Buy here.
7.08.2009
I laughed
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Frank."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer.. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died . . . I'm married to his fuckin' widow."
Passenger: "Who?"
Cabbie: "Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Cabbie: "There's more... He had a memory like a computer.. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow, some guy then."
Cabbie: "He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Cabbie: "Well, I never actually met Frank. He died . . . I'm married to his fuckin' widow."
6.24.2009
Now you can hold your drink, foodstuffs, and still scratch your groin!
Introducing the "Go Plate" - it fits over cans, bottles, or even solo cups for those real classy summer parties.
I think it's wonderful. You can get them here.
I think it's wonderful. You can get them here.
6.16.2009
Strong Island
I'm not sure whether to laugh or to... actually, it's pretty clear-cut. These are the biggest bunch of effing morons I've ever seen.
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c | |||
| Long Island Wants to Secede | ||||
| ||||
6.15.2009
Stop your bitching
Your life is not nearly as difficult as you'd like to believe.
Fantastic inspiration for a Monday morning.
Fantastic inspiration for a Monday morning.
6.10.2009
6.09.2009
Graaaaandpa
You wily ol' devil, you.
The doors to a Center City bank swung open yesterday morning, and in shuffled trouble.
It's likely that at first, no one was intimidated by the presence of the man with the hunched shoulders, flat-brimmed baseball cap and large, dark sunglasses.
But within seconds, the awful truth was apparent inside the Citizens Bank at 20th and Market streets: They were in the presence of the rarest of criminals - an elderly bandit.
The thief, a white man who FBI officials said is "in his 60s, maybe 70s," struck at 9:34 a.m., when he handed a pillowcase to a bank teller and demanded cash.
The teller complied. FBI officials said the bandit fled on foot, and soon sported the fruits of his labor across his brown shirt - stains from an exploding dye pack that was hidden inside his stolen loot.
Surveillance images were released also showing the thin, 5-foot-11 crook - who wore khaki pants and brown, Timberland-style boots - as he entered the bank and then collected his pillowcase full of cash.
"Clearly, this was unusual," said an FBI spokesman, Special Agent J.J. Klaver. "He was on the older side of what we usually see."
Since 2006, the FBI has arrested just one bank robber who was in his 60s or 70s.
Typically, FBI agents are hunting for thieves who are in their 30s, Klaver noted.
--------------------
Link. Courtesy of Chili-dog
The doors to a Center City bank swung open yesterday morning, and in shuffled trouble.
It's likely that at first, no one was intimidated by the presence of the man with the hunched shoulders, flat-brimmed baseball cap and large, dark sunglasses.
But within seconds, the awful truth was apparent inside the Citizens Bank at 20th and Market streets: They were in the presence of the rarest of criminals - an elderly bandit.
The thief, a white man who FBI officials said is "in his 60s, maybe 70s," struck at 9:34 a.m., when he handed a pillowcase to a bank teller and demanded cash.
The teller complied. FBI officials said the bandit fled on foot, and soon sported the fruits of his labor across his brown shirt - stains from an exploding dye pack that was hidden inside his stolen loot.
Surveillance images were released also showing the thin, 5-foot-11 crook - who wore khaki pants and brown, Timberland-style boots - as he entered the bank and then collected his pillowcase full of cash.
"Clearly, this was unusual," said an FBI spokesman, Special Agent J.J. Klaver. "He was on the older side of what we usually see."
Since 2006, the FBI has arrested just one bank robber who was in his 60s or 70s.
Typically, FBI agents are hunting for thieves who are in their 30s, Klaver noted.
--------------------
Link. Courtesy of Chili-dog
Oh, Jeremy Piven
This role looks like a real stretch for him...
Either way, it should prove to be hilarious.
Either way, it should prove to be hilarious.
6.05.2009
6.04.2009
Poor Cheeze
Unfortunately, Cheeze was placed under arrest last night by two officers in West Virginia. While the specifics remain unclear, this amateur video captured proceedings. I hope he is able to post bail.
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