Arguably Useless goes on Vacation.

Well folks,
Next week B Harris and I will be vacationing on the Outer Banks, so I seriously doubt there will be many updates, if any at all. I am sure our readership will drop to an all time low, because half the people that read the blog will be at the beach with us. I hope you remember to rejoin us after the 4th. Have a great week. I am sure you can find other things to entertain you.



B Harris edit - looks like my suit shall fit just fine...


It's gettin easy...

A woman pleaded no contest last week to prostitution charges, accused of agreeing to be paid for services with a box of chips by a man who said he was a Frito-Lay employee.

Lahoma Sue Smith, 36, was ordered to pay a fine of $1,142 in municipal court from charges from a February arrest.

According to the police report, undercover officers noticed Smith "trying to catch a date” by flashing her headlights at SE 33 and Robinson. Officers said they followed Smith’s car and found her with her blouse open and found a man in the passenger seat pulling his pants up.

The man told police he was having marital problems and knew he could pick up a prostitute there.

Smith told police the man told her he was looking for company but he didn’t have any money, so she agreed to be paid with a $30 case of Frito-Lay chips he had in the back of his car.

When asked if she had ever been arrested for prostitution, Smith told police "Yes. Two or three times,” authorities said.

Smith was arrested on complaints of prostitution and suspicion of driving with a suspended license. The man was not arrested.

A police spokesman said the man was not arrested based on "officer discretion."


Now you can hold your drink, foodstuffs, and still scratch your groin!

Introducing the "Go Plate" - it fits over cans, bottles, or even solo cups for those real classy summer parties.

I think it's wonderful. You can get them here.

Never cease to amaze me.

Lacking Good Sense

Watch your volume.


My Hero?

Driver takes to the streets - on golf cart

By Don Behm of the Journal Sentinel

Posted: Jun. 22, 2009

Richfield — After drinking at least 10 beers at a golf course on state Highway 167 and being left behind by the relatives who brought him there, a South Milwaukee man decided to drive himself the nearly 40 miles back to his home - in a golf cart.

He did not even take the time to throw the empty beer cans out of the cart before hitting the road in the commandeered cart, according to a Washington County Sheriff's Department incident report released Monday.

The man, 47, was arrested Saturday on suspicion of second-offense operating a vehicle while intoxicated after a sheriff's deputy stopped the golf cart the suspect was driving southbound on state Highway 175, the report says.

The man told Deputy Andrew Meier that he was driving back to South Milwaukee after a group of "uncles" abandoned him at Kettle Hills Golf Course on Highway 167.

Meier was responding to a disorderly conduct complaint received at 5:53 p.m. about an intoxicated man on the course when he observed a man driving a cart on Highway 167, the report says. The cart turned southbound onto Highway 175, less than a mile east of the course, without stopping at the stop sign.

After Meier turned on the squad car's emergency lights and air horn, the suspect turned to wave and then pulled the cart onto the shoulder of the highway, according to the report. But the man continued driving the cart.

The deputy then used a siren, and the driver eventually stopped the cart about three-tenths of a mile south of the intersection, the report says, or about a mile from the golf course.

Eight open beer cans were found in the cart. Meier reported that the man's speech was slurred and that his eyes were glassy and bloodshot.

The man admitted that he had consumed around 10 beers while at the golf course, but that he did not believe he was intoxicated.

The suspect later told Meier that he did not know where he was at the time of the traffic stop and that "he did not even realize he was driving the golf cart on the road until he saw the squad with lights behind him," the report says.

Kettle Hills employees subsequently retrieved the cart.

After the man failed field sobriety tests, a breath test indicated the man had a blood-alcohol level of 0.138. In Wisconsin, a level of 0.08 is evidence that an adult driver is intoxicated.

The man was arrested and taken to the Slinger Police Department, where he agreed to submit to a chemical test of his breath with an Intoximeter. That test indicated a blood-alcohol level of 0.14, the report says.

He was released into his wife's custody.

In addition to the offense of operating a vehicle while intoxicated, the man was ticketed on allegations of open intoxicants in a motor vehicle and failure to stop at a stop sign.

And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O".

Thanks High Def. I love Vinnie Jones.


You've got to be kidding...

Click Here to figure out what I am talking about.


Happy Father's Day

Watching the Open right now with my pops. Be thankful everyone.

These are great videos.



The High Definite alerted me to the existence of a great website, dontevenreply.com

Check it out, it is great. Here is a preview.

420 Friendly
Posted at: 2009-06-09 01:51:29

Original ad:
26 year old female who loves music looking for friendly male concert buddy.

i have tickets to see STS9 tomorrow night and am looking for someone to go with me to see them. you must be 420 friendly!
From Timmy Tucker to ***********@***********.org

Dear potential concert buddy,

I saw your ad and am very interested. I love music. About myself, I am a 25-year-old music loving male. I see all kinds of concerts and would love to check out STS9, I'm not quite sure what kind of music that is.

I am not sure what you mean by 420 friendly, however. Do you live near route 420? That isn't a problem for me, since it is kind of on the way to Philly anyway. Email me back if you want to go to the show with me.

Thank you,


From Stacey ***** to Me

hi tim. i wasn't talking about route 420...you have to be "cool" if you know what I mean.


From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****


Glad to hear back from you! Unfortunately I am a little confused. I am cool, at least my mother and co-workers say so. So if you want someone who is cool, I am your guy!


From Stacey ***** to Me

no i dont think you get me. you need to be down with the chronic lol. ya get me?

From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****


Are you talking about Dr. Dre's album The Chronic? I love hip hop! Is that what kind of music STS9 is? I assure you that I am "down" with that album. You can play it in the car on the way to the show if you like.


From Stacey ***** to Me

um no...ok i dont think you are the type person i want to go to the concert with no offense

From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****


I'm not sure why you suddenly decided not to go to the concert with me. I am kind of disappointed, because I just bought an ounce of headies and was looking for someone else to smoke it with. My other friend has tickets to go see bisco in Baltimore so I guess I'll just go with him.

Sorry we couldn't be friends,


From Stacey ***** to Me

wtf are you fucking serious? why were you being so dense about the 420 thing! and wtf you are seeing bisco but you never heard of sts9?

From Timmy Tucker to Stacey *****

I'm not sure what you mean about the "420 thing." What are you talking about?

From Stacey ***** to Me

ugh nvm

U.S. Open

Sorry for the lack of posts today. Most of my time has been spent watching the U.S. Open online.

If you would like to do the same, you can go here. Pretty nice streaming video.

Enjoy your weekend.


I don't know what to think about this article.

Intriguing, but a little odd at the same time.

Russian girl in intensive care after restoring virginity 6 times

17 Jun, 02:08 PM

A Russian woman ended up in intensive care after restoring her virginity for the sixth time.

The woman, identified as Natalia K., got married at 24. Her husband was not the girl's first sexual partner, Life.ru writes.

When the husband confessed he was upset about her losing her virginity before the wedding and with another man, Natalia decided to make things up for him.

To celebrate their first year together as a married couple, she went to a plastic surgery clinic and had a hymenoplasty operation.

The husband was so delighted with the present, that a year later Natalia wanted to give that joy to him again. And the next year, and the year after that.

The sixth time the woman came for revirgination surgery, the doctors warned her it posed dangers for her health. Nevertheless, Natalia signed a waiver of all claims and had the surgery done.

But the doctors' fears turned out to be justified. The woman's weakened immune system failed to fight an unspecified minor infection she caught after the surgery, and landed her in intensive care.

Super Troopers?

The following story reminds me of the video after the story.

McMenacing? Cop Accused Of Pulling Gun At McD's
Written by Brian Maass

A Denver police officer has been suspended after allegedly brandishing his gun at a McDonald's restaurant in Aurora after his order took too long to fill.

Aurora police confirmed the CBS4 investigation saying the incident occurred May 21 at the McDonald's at 18181 East Hampden Avenue.

A spokesperson for the Aurora Police Department said they plan to present the case -- now classified as a felony menacing incident -- to the Arapahoe County District Attorney's Office Thursday for possible filing of criminal charges.

Sources familiar with the case, and the fast food worker's account of what happened, say two off-duty Denver police officers placed an order from their car in the early morning hours of May 21. But once at the drive through window, the employee said the men became agitated and angry at how long their food was taking. The men thought they were being ignored, according to contacts familiar with the worker's account. The male clerk then said one of the officer's flashed his police badge and pointed a pistol through the drive through window in a threatening manner, before driving off without paying.

Both officers are assigned to Denver International Airport although only one has been placed on administrative leave with pay, pending the outcome of the case.

Super Troopers - Liter of Cola


Sign me up.

Another Best of CL. I'm telling you people...

Drunk as Balls Dojo
Date: 2009-05-11, 12:21AM MST

Are you a casual drunk to full blown alcoholic? Is your mouth often writing checks your fists can't cash? Drunk as Balls Dojo is the answer to all of your problems. At Drunk as Balls Dojo you will learn the fine art of bar fighting from one of the nation's premiere trouble drunks- Ryan O'Reilly. Master O'Reilly has been banned nationally from such established chains as Friday's, Buffalo Wild Wings, and every Border's Book Store containing a Starbucks. He is an expert in the "What are you looking at" and "You got a problem" fighting styles, but is very skilled in a variety of other styles such as "She was talking to me."

Master O'reilly will take you from the pansy-ass lush you are now to becoming a true liability in only 5 weeks. Intensive training covering such varied areas of self-offense as:
-Using wing sauce as a weapon
-Breaking a beer bottle without slicing and dicing your hands
- Accurate projectile vomiting
- Flicking a lit cigarette into someones face
- "Getting the fuck outta there"

Classes will be held every Monday, Weds, and Friday- with Fridays being reserved for critiquing failed technique in the classic and award winning movie Roadhouse. You'll come to class, get wasted drunk, and mix it up with other like-minded individuals. Master Ryan will show you the path to true 'trouble maker.' Only when you reach that point will you be able to tell that douche-bag how ridiculous his shirt/hat/girlfriend is with the confidence that only comes from being trained as a drunk fighter. If you aspire to bar-flydom, this class is a must have!

Classes start at $50 a week + a 12 pack per class.

* Location: Tempe
* it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 1164655647


Strong Island

I'm not sure whether to laugh or to... actually, it's pretty clear-cut. These are the biggest bunch of effing morons I've ever seen.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Long Island Wants to Secede
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorJason Jones in Iran

Mind the Volume

When you watch this video. It gets pretty loud. My favorite is at the 1:04 mark.


Thieved from here


1. What Famous American writer and humorist once quipped, "I respect a man who knows how to spell a word more than one way"?

2. In the world of hybrid designer dogs, what's a peagle?

3. According to the Old Testament, how old was Noah when the rains began?

4. What foreign language was created by American linguist Marc Okrand?

5. What do Americans call the pastime that the English call "ducks and drakes" the Danes call "smutting" and the French call "ricochet"?

6. At the Olympic Games, what countries are represented by the abbreviations BAR, MAR and PAR?

For your information, I did not get any of the questions correct. This Trivia Question-A-Day calendar sucks.


What? She was probably not skilled in the art of the Blow J

Police: Teens had sex in moving car

By Anthony Cormier

Published: Friday, June 12, 2009 at 1:48 p.m.
Last Modified: Friday, June 12, 2009 at 1:48 p.m.

Two teenagers were charged with misdemeanors after a police officer reportedly caught them having sex — in a moving car.

The officer spotted a blue Hyundai driving erratically on Hyde Park Street on Thursday and turned on his emergency lights to see if the driver needed help.

The car suddenly pulled across the road, though, and came to a stop. When the officer went to the driver’s door, the teens — Robert Gonzalez, 19, and Melissa Washington, 18 — quickly tried to pull up their pants.

They had been sitting together in the driver’s seat and “it became obvious that they had been engaged in sexual intercourse,” the officer wrote in an arrest report.

Gonzalez and Washington were both charged with lewd and lascivious behavior and booked into the county jail.

Leave it to the Japanese

To come up with something such as this.


Pee without noise stool?!? you may be asking...Just click here to figure it out.

Stop your bitching

Your life is not nearly as difficult as you'd like to believe.

Fantastic inspiration for a Monday morning.


B Harris in High School

Click Here to see many other poor choices.

Great Story

Forger too bad at forgery to be guilty of forgery
Thursday, June 11, 2009

An Argentine man who tried to use two counterfeit bills has been found innocent - because he was so bad at forgery.

A federal court in Buenos Aires says the forged bills presented by Marcos Ribles were 'so clumsy and crude' that 'they could not be accepted by most people.'

The court says the 65-year-old man tried to pass a false 100-peso note, nominally worth about £16, as well as a false U.S. $50 bill.

Judges say the counterfeit bills had such shoddy printing and poor-quality paper that nobody could be fooled.

The court announced its ruling dismissing the charges on Wednesday.

An artist's impression of what the forged bill may have looked like


to think of anything today and B Harris is out of town. So, you get a wonderful picture.


You show him, Preppy

Surprisingly hilarious - I love you, Zack.

My Neighbor...The Genius

FEBRUARY 9--Meet Shane Walker. Last Tuesday, the Charleston, West Virginia woman contacted cops to say that her boyfriend had stolen her marijuana stash. Normally, that's not something you share with the fuzz. But Walker apparently really wanted those 3.5 ounces back. As a result Walker spent her 25th birthday in the local lockup and is facing a felony possession charge, according to this amusing criminal complaint.



You wily ol' devil, you.

The doors to a Center City bank swung open yesterday morning, and in shuffled trouble.

It's likely that at first, no one was intimidated by the presence of the man with the hunched shoulders, flat-brimmed baseball cap and large, dark sunglasses.

But within seconds, the awful truth was apparent inside the Citizens Bank at 20th and Market streets: They were in the presence of the rarest of criminals - an elderly bandit.

The thief, a white man who FBI officials said is "in his 60s, maybe 70s," struck at 9:34 a.m., when he handed a pillowcase to a bank teller and demanded cash.

The teller complied. FBI officials said the bandit fled on foot, and soon sported the fruits of his labor across his brown shirt - stains from an exploding dye pack that was hidden inside his stolen loot.

Surveillance images were released also showing the thin, 5-foot-11 crook - who wore khaki pants and brown, Timberland-style boots - as he entered the bank and then collected his pillowcase full of cash.

"Clearly, this was unusual," said an FBI spokesman, Special Agent J.J. Klaver. "He was on the older side of what we usually see."

Since 2006, the FBI has arrested just one bank robber who was in his 60s or 70s.

Typically, FBI agents are hunting for thieves who are in their 30s, Klaver noted.


Link. Courtesy of Chili-dog

Gift idea for B Harris

This is a T-Shirt that can be found at Threadless. It is entitled "Gay Pride". Will somebody please purchase it for B Harris?
Thanks in advance.

Oh, Jeremy Piven

This role looks like a real stretch for him...

Either way, it should prove to be hilarious.


New Website

If you think mugshots are as amusing as I do, then you will probably appreciate this site and the degenerates that populate its many random pages.

Pick the Perp

All of these people really are the cream of the crop.


Go Here

Give A Shit Project

I think this sounds like a pretty cool idea, yet way too magnanimous for the likes of B Harris and me. So, you all should donate. It is only a quarter. We promise not to start asking for donations, at least until this coming fall when I am a lowly student again and in desperate need of funds.

B Harris' New Bad-Ass Going Out Party Shirt

Now he needs some stupid tats and he'll be all set. Start dropping those panties, ladies.


Good morning class,

I know you all are excited that it is Friday and you are probably looking forward to your weekends. I am too, naturally. But before we go, I have an assignment for you over the weekend. What?!? Homework on the weekend? Yes. I expect every single one of you to go home and watch Varsity Blues at least twice. PHEW. "I thought it was going to be something that wasn't completely awesome and wildly entertaining," you are saying to yourself. Alas, no disappointment here. On Monday we will have such discussions as:

1. The role of Jonathan "Mox" Moxon as a Christ-Figure in the film.

2. The tragicomedy that is the life/appearance of Billy Bob.

3. The influence of drugs and alcohol on today's youth.

4. The similarities between your father and Mox's father.

5. How many ways from Sunday you would tap Paul Walker's sexy ass.

6. The love triangle of rising star James Van Der Beek, Amy Smart and Ali Larter.

And the question we've all be asking ourselves for years...

7. How in the world did this movie not win the best picture Oscar?

Now here are some quotes to get you salivating for your movie plans.

Charlie Tweeder: Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the car.

Charlie Tweeder: Will you listen to me? Bitches are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.
Mox: What?
Charlie Tweeder: Listen. You give 'em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It's very nice.

Miss Davis: Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?
Student: Boner? Is boner one?
Miss Davis: Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!

Mox: I don't want your life!

I crush your skull



Poor Cheeze

Unfortunately, Cheeze was placed under arrest last night by two officers in West Virginia. While the specifics remain unclear, this amateur video captured proceedings. I hope he is able to post bail.

Possibly my new favorite site.


It is an acronym for Look at this Fucking Hipster.

Here are some examples, so you know what you are getting yourself into...

Man, hipsters are the worst.


This goes for you, Cheeze

Event Tonight

For those of you living in and around DC, there is a great opportunity to possibly see some history be made later this evening. At 7:05pm this evening, The Washington Nationals play the San Francisco Giants and Randy Johnson takes the mound trying to become only the 24th pitcher in MLB history to win at least 300 games. This type of stuff does not happen very often and I think it will be a memorable occasion if he does pull of the win.

So, if you are a baseball fan in general, or just would like to attend a baseball game on a fine evening, you should make it out to the ballpark. I am sure plenty of tickets are still available and you can get them on the cheap. I know I'd be there if I had the chance.

Side note: You will also get to see one of the faces of the future for the Nationals on the mound, Jordan Zimmermann. All in all, it promises to be a good game and a fun evening.

This kid is awesome.

Plano teen eats fetal pig parts on classmates' dare

09:09 AM CDT on Saturday, May 30, 2009

By MATTHEW HAAG / The Dallas Morning News

Some kids will do anything for money.

Last week at Shepton High School in Plano, a ninth-grader agreed to eat parts of a fetal pig – and not just any parts – for $50.

The second-period biology class was wrapping up a third session on dissection when a couple of students proposed the dare.

"What was I eating?" the boy recalled asking.

Testicles, the students replied.

He gulped them down one at a time, he said, trying not to bite down.

"It was just like swallowing a pill," said the 15-year-old, who is not being identified because of his age. "It wasn't that bad."

School officials, who declined to comment, apparently took a different view, especially because the pigs are soaked in formaldehyde, a toxic chemical used to preserve the tissue.

They called the boy's mother, who couldn't be reached for comment, and a trip to the hospital followed.

"She said, 'How could you be so stupid?' " the boy said.

After the hospital, he said, he went home and brushed his teeth – three times.

He said he collected $40 but owes his mom $100 for the hospital visit.

"It wasn't very smart," the boy said.


Missing D.C.

One of the things that I miss most about moving away from the DC Metropolitan area is I no longer get the Washington Post on a daily basis. It is a very good paper and I appreciate that, but I think the main thing I like about it is that I grew up on the format and I got used to it, so I don't love reading other newspapers. There are many different aspects of the paper that I enjoy, from the Post Magazine on Sunday (Gene's Articles), to the format of the Sports page and their coverage of Orioles baseball. I also wish I could do the paper version of the Crossword puzzle. I've started doing it online. You can too if you'd like. It's not the same as doing it in the newspaper though.

Click the link below for a printable version of today's crossword.

Crossword Puzzle

Worst First Pitches

This clip was on SportsCenter yesterday and it amused me to no end.

Nothing to do with The Hangover

Yet still hilarious.

More pleasing to the eye than, say, an old hopscotch game (Cheeze's favorite)

"Julian Beever is an English artist who is famous for his art on the pavements of England, France, Germany, USA, Australia and Belgium. Its peculiarity? Beever gives his drawings an anamorphosis view, his images are drawn in such a way which gives them three dimensionality when viewing from the correct angle."

This guy truly is ridiculous. Have a butcher's at some of the cooler ones below.


Sir Charles doesn't play by anybody's rules

Not even his own.

Barkley being a clownshoe - shocker.

This game is stupid

I wish it was a game where you got to trap the cat and then smash it or something. I would be intrigued. It might succeed in keeping you occupied for 10 minutes on this glorious Monday.

Click Here.

I prefer this game.


Holy Pig.

Giant feral pig 'was eating a cow'

THIS giant feral pig was shot on a Pilbara cattle station after it was spotted eating a dead cow.

The picture has been circulating on the internet alongside claims the boar was killed at various locations across Australia.

It was written off as a hoax by many, including WA's Department of Environment and Conservation, and sparked much debate when published on website PerthNow.

But The Sunday Times has confirmed that the pig was shot on a Pilbara cattle station near Newman, 1200km northeast of Perth.

Sources close to the family of the man in the photo have confirmed he is Pilbara pastoralist John Anick and the picture was taken on his property three years ago.

The family refused to talk about the giant boar, for fear that illegal pig hunters would flock to the area.

The source said the 220kg beast was eating a cow when it was first seen by workers mustering cattle in a helicopter. Mr Anick saw it again on a trip to check windmills on the property and shot it.

``I can vouch 100 per cent, I don't even have to say 90 per cent, that it (the photo) was taken in the Pilbara and it is who I said it is,'' the source said.

This reader comment was left on the PerthNow report this week: ``Information I have on this photo is that it was shot by John Anick ... During muster a helicopter spotted it and when told John drove out and shot it! Many sausages were made and eaten, so I'm told!''

DEC spokesman Nigel Higgs said the picture was a fake.

``There are some pigs at De Grey River, east of Port Hedland, and some domestic pigs gone wild near Savory Creek, 200km east of Newman, but they are small and pink,'' he said.

Another source working in Perth claimed to have scanned the original photograph into a computer.

Hoax-Slayer.com says an article in the January 2007 edition of Sporting Shooter also states the boar was shot on a cattle station in the Pilbara.

There are estimated to be more than 23 million feral pigs roaming the nation, predominantly in New South Wales, Queensland and the Northern Territory.

They prey on native species and destroy habitats.

The DEC has culled hundreds in the state's South-West over the past two years.