Homework

Good morning class,

I know you all are excited that it is Friday and you are probably looking forward to your weekends. I am too, naturally. But before we go, I have an assignment for you over the weekend. What?!? Homework on the weekend? Yes. I expect every single one of you to go home and watch Varsity Blues at least twice. PHEW. "I thought it was going to be something that wasn't completely awesome and wildly entertaining," you are saying to yourself. Alas, no disappointment here. On Monday we will have such discussions as:

1. The role of Jonathan "Mox" Moxon as a Christ-Figure in the film.

2. The tragicomedy that is the life/appearance of Billy Bob.

3. The influence of drugs and alcohol on today's youth.

4. The similarities between your father and Mox's father.

5. How many ways from Sunday you would tap Paul Walker's sexy ass.

6. The love triangle of rising star James Van Der Beek, Amy Smart and Ali Larter.

And the question we've all be asking ourselves for years...

7. How in the world did this movie not win the best picture Oscar?


Now here are some quotes to get you salivating for your movie plans.


Charlie Tweeder: Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the car.
________________________________

Charlie Tweeder: Will you listen to me? Bitches are all just panty droppers. You understand? That's it.
Mox: What?
Charlie Tweeder: Listen. You give 'em Percocet, two Vicoden and a couple of beers, and the panties drop. It's very nice.
_________________________________

Miss Davis: Can anyone tell me a common slang term for the male erection?
Student: Boner? Is boner one?
Miss Davis: Yes! Boner is good, boner is very good!
_________________________________

Mox: I don't want your life!