Dear Person wearing gloves,

Are you retarded?

Love, Cheeze
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Now I can understand sporting a fancy new ascot or a nice ankle bracelet, but there are just certain accessories people don that I don't understand at all. A couple of months back I went out to dinner before I had to take B Harris to Moyel Training School or his Mormon Choir Sock Hop. During my meal, I actually saw somebody wearing fingerless gloves. At a restaurant. Eating. Now, fingerless gloves do have their uses in certain situations, but in this one, I'd say no use. Why would anyone do something so impractical as eat with gloves on? I wouldn't say that I hated this person for wearing said apparel, but I certainly wasn't fond of her. (Given the chance, I might have spit on her if I was on a walkway above her or some such.)

If you ever catch yourself wearing; about to wear; purchasing; about to purchase; or pretty much any other action that involves obtaining fingerless gloves for purposes other than working with small items in the cold, you are well on your way to being the worst.

Stupid Effing Hipsters