5.08.2009

Top 5

Retard movies according to me. I hope this doesn't offend anyone with a MR sister or brother or girlfriend (Ken McBenzie). I don't feel great acknowledging this, but the mentally challenged can be amusing. That being said, they can also be inspiring, terrifying, heart-wrenching and even enviable (see forrest gump). They make good characters in movies.
I will rate the movies on the following bases.

On a scale of 1 to 5
How much I like the film...

1 - I would rather watch the Prince and Me
2 -
3 - Good film
4 -
5 - I'd own the DVD

and...

Severity of Retardedness

1 - Pretty sane, appear to be normal and functioning before conversation
2 -
3 - Would probably hesitate to ride in a car with said retard
4 -
5 - Stare-inducing, crazy as a shit-house rat retarded
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5. What's Eating Gilbert Grape - Talk about a great performance from little Leo. I can't imagine how hard a role like that would be and he did it so well at such a young age. This is a really good film, and if you haven't watched it lately, you should probably check it out one more time. It is somewhat of a foreshadowing of what a great actor Leonardo would eventually become (see blood diamond, the departed, titanic).

Movie Ratings

Quality of film
3 - I don't own the DVD but I always enjoy the film when I watch it.

Degree of Retardedness
4 - He is pretty f*cking nuts. If you drugged him and then cleaned him up, he would look pretty normal though.
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4. Sling Blade - Billy Bob Thornton is successful at being less creepy in this movie than he is in real life. And that is a hard thing to do if you are familiar with the character Karl Childers. I didn't see this movie for probably 8 years after it came out and I am not sure why I waited so long. You have to be pretty damn challenged to put mustard on french fries and to actually want to eat vienna sausages on a regular basis.

Movie Ratings

Quality of film
3 - Billy Bob does a great job, but I couldn't watch this everyday. I don't think I'd buy the dvd.

Degree of Retardness
3.5 - I certainly wouldn't want to be in any enclosed space with the guy after I had pissed him off, he kills people with lawnmower blades. On the other hand, he does have a gentle side. I am having conflicting feelings on this one.
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3. Rain Man - Great flick and one of the most popular and recognizable movies starring a challenged person. It is certainly not my favorite of the bunch, but it deserves to be on the list because Dustin Hoffman did such a wonderful job. I envy Raymond's math skills. I would not play him in a game of Challenge 24.

Movie Ratings

Quality of film
4 - Good film. It won Oscars and even though that doesn't automatically qualify a good movie in my book, I enjoy this one.

Degree of Retardedness
2 - Pretty mild until he has a freak out. Idiot-Savant.
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2. Forrest Gump - It would be awesome to accomplish all the things that Mr. Gump did in his life, but I still don't think I would consent to be retarded if that is what it took to do so. I would happily agree to have B Harris suffer that fate if it meant I could beat a Chinaman in ping pong. But seriously, this is a great movie through and through. Tom Hanks did a great job and the movie is just wonderfully done, especially compared to the book (which sucks, I don't recommend it at all. It is by Winston Groom if you are feeling contrary).

Movie Ratings

Quality of film
5 - Great movie. All that needs to be said.

Degree of retardedness
1 - I might have even been taking a leap on this one, but I wanted to include it. He is a pretty stupid man when it comes to most things, and a pretty smart man when it comes to a select few. I would be friends with him, shit I probably have friends that are on his level (see Toph).
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1. The Goonies - This movie holds a special place in my heart. It really has been one of my favorite films for a very long time and I can laugh at all the little parts that I think are great. My favorite part is when they are all hanging around the house after Troy's father has come by to buy out all the land. They are in the kitchen and Chunk goes into the fridge and gets out a can of Ready Whip. he says "I'm so depressed" and then sprays it directly into his mouth. You can't beat that. I digress, Sloth used to terrify the shit out of me when I was a child, but you learn to love the guy.

Movie ratings

Quality of film
5 - Biased as hell I am sure, but that is the rating I want to give and that is what it gets. I could post so many great quotes from that movie. note to self.

Degree of retardedness
5 - I mean come on. Sloth is the type of person that you lock up down in the basement. And for good reason too. It makes me wonder what Rudy would have been like if he was dropped on his head as a child.

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