Ink.

Tattoos. I've never really cared for them myself, or at least I have never truly considered getting one. It makes sense if you would like to commemorate some significant occasion in your life, or a belief to which you hold very strongly, but other than that a lot of tattoos you see out there are just plain old garbage. No meaning, no character, just an excuse to get one. These are the tattoos that turn out to be that bad decision you made over beach week or drunken bachelor party weekend. Let's take a look at some of the tattoos people get and what they might mean about the person.

1. Snake exploding out of chest (very similar): I do know someone that has this, and chances are, if you are reading this, you have made his acquaintance as well. It will be an idiotic decision in perpetuity. I just wish I had a picture.

2. Tear drop tattoo: This means felon. You probably want to stay far away, unless you often catch yourself idly dreaming of gang bangers.

3. Neck Tattoo of any sort: Badass. He will most likely dunk babies in Texas Pete and eat them. He's been to jail.

4. Tribal Arm Band tattoo: Unoriginal to the utmost degree. Will most likely be found on some muscle bound greaser with gel in his hair, waxed chest and gold chain. He will not write you poetry, but will wear wife beaters in public. You win some, you lose some.

5. Barcode tattoo: Robot, or a fan of Asimov, Orwell and any number of other dystopic authors.

6. Dragon tattoo: Wizard - most likely the coolest person you'll meet for a very long time.

7. Asian Lettering Tattoo: Please go here, and search f*cking moron. Any of those terms will apply.

8. Face Tattoo: Mike Tysonesque. He could possibly go insane and eat babies or just habitually cry on your shoulder regretting his past decisions. Mainly getting said tattoo in the first place.

9. Name of Significant other tattoo: I don't think there could ever be a worse idea than this. I don't think there is anything I can say here that isn't blatantly obvious to anyone who has any inkling of sense. A roommate of mine in college got one. If you know this person, then you understand.

10. Jesus Tattoo praying on arm: Probably going to hell.


And for the girls, if you have a tattoo you are most likely a tramp. Especially if that tattoo is on your tit, lower back, or within 5 inches of your vagine. I guess foot tattoos are acceptable and not necessarily demonstrative of trollopness.