Cold Enough for Ya?!

A few things occurred to me a short while ago whilst riding the elevator after lunch. If you’ll indulge me.

Firstly, the notion that I will never equal the riches that Rob Thomas has amassed over the course of his illustrious career struck me with the collective weight of Cheeze’s Lord of the Ring action figures. I would probably equate what he has done musically with the success of CBS’s Two and Half Men, in that both reach levels of ineptitude that are rivaled only by my bitter resentment and paltry jealousy.

Second-of-ly, office culture and norms are beyond ridiculous. Surely this is no ground-breaking revelation, especially given how long businesses, and consequently offices have been around. So for those of you who spend your day wandering about these breeding grounds of unease, allow me to suggest some alternatives. I see no reason why we can’t mix things up and put the onus back on our colleagues to deal with less than comfortable situations.

Without further ado, I present the first of a several part series (or until I run out of ideas)…

“Ways to Make Coworkers Uncomfortable”

The next time you enter the elevator in your office, try to be the last one in – the more crowded, the better. At this point, turn and face everyone else, being sure to make solid, unwavering eye-contract with each person.

If this doesn’t chill the bones of every person in this box of horror, then nothing will. You have done nothing wrong but put forth a congenial, “I’m game for networking!” vibe. Unfortunately, it won’t be met with open arms or smiles – quite the contrary. People will be appalled and unsure what to do next. In fact, I’m confident that at least one person will prematurely exit the elevator prior to their actual floor in order to escape your clutches.

*Related note: Try to engage in the “excuse me” dance with passer-byers as often as possible. It is also imperative to make as many related noises while you struggle to gain access to the length of carpet behind your mate.*


How’s about a song or two to finish out the week? Cheers.

Spoon – I Summon You

Band of Horses – Cigarettes Wedding Bands

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