You take drugs, Danny?

"Every day"
"Good. Then what's your problem?"
"I don't know"

With the advent of Google's email system, it would seem that AIM has been rendered an endangered species amongst post-collegiate "professionals." I cannot confirm this for sure, as my desktop computer is the runner of said program and it is at present less useful than Rob Thomas in song-writing competition with a box of hair.

(Aside: this is the first of what is sure to be countless, ruthless, unsolicited attacks on one, Rob Thomas. And by unsolicited, I mean completely justified, because for 10+ years he has infected the masses with his garbage. Never has there been a more misguided waste of resources than the money spent by record companies to sign and promote Mr. Thomas. Even writing his name raises my blood pressure to unsafe levels. Aside from all that – helluva guy, I'm sure.).

So with instant messenger being out of the picture, Gmail has seemingly swooped in on the untapped market of humans who have, A) jobs that allow for uninterrupted internet access and B) a need for constant virtual interaction with friends and others. Thusly, the Gchat revolution began. Unlike its predecessor and distant relative, AIM, Gchat permits butterflies of varying degrees of social skill to banter with their peers. All. Day. Long. Until, that is, they have a change in "status."

Which brings us to Away Messages 2.0. What started as a way for you to say, "Listen, broseph, my circle is red, so refrain from the vivid recap of your four-flusher after lunch" has turned into the ability to actually create away messages (while it may lack the profile capability that AIM once featured so prominently, you're too old for that anyway, so shut up).

Invariably, with away message penning comes great responsibility – one that I'm afraid has been taken entirely too lightly.

Exhibit A (name has been changed to protect the lame)

Chiriquí's new status message – ummm case of the Mondays! 7:23 AM
Chiriquí's new status message – so glad that I forgot my umbrella >:( 7:43 AM
Chiriquí's new status message – happy hour tonight???!!! LOL 7:46 AM
Chiriquí's new status message – Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?? :)!!! 8:04 AM

*Note the short period of time between messages*

This trend of remarkably poor decision making continues throughout the morning and into the early evening. Literally 8+ hours of rubbish. Now, before you think I'm finger-pointing and calling the kettle a "black pothead", allow me to come clean. I too, made a similar error in judgment. Once. The only problem was that the song lyric I was quoting was from a band that was so indie, they had yet to be conceived. Therefore the reference sailed over heads of my collective contact list.

Until next time.