Jerry, Am I a Hipster Doofus?

Good morning Ladies and Gents,

Quick Quiz.

Do you have greasy hair and/or a stupid haircut? Example

Do you own one or multiple vintage, oddly-colored jackets? Example

At this moment, do you have on lame glasses, with or without a reason? Example

Are you wearing jeans that are, or appear to be, made for girls? Example

Do you regularly sport a crappy watch? Example

Do you have bad facial hair? Example

Do you eat only organic foodstuffs? Example

Do you wear stupid hats? Example below

Do you have an affinity for old, dirty, smelly, ugly shoes? Example

Do you buy shirts like this? Example

Do you like stupid sweaters for every occasion? Example below

I would say if you answered yes to more than 5 or 6 of the questions, then you may be a hipster and consequently the worst. Please vacate this site immediately, we don't cater to your kind.

It is not the material oddities listed above that make a hipster intolerable, I could stomach that stuff in small doses. It is the character traits and opinions that ooze from their entire being that are vomit-inducing. Without question, everything they hold dear or in high regard involuntarily translates into what is right and good. They claim to be independent and individualistic, yet are so eerily similar to each other that it makes me ill. They will defend/fight/embrace a cause without even knowing what they are standing up for/against. They claim to abhor convention yet are conformists to their own culture.

Hey, I don't mind if you are opinionated. Be freethinking and unconventional. Be crazy, be outlandish. Be plain old f-ing weird. But at least be yourself and make it your own. Be original.

Thanks,

AU Staff