2.26.2009

Oh, the places you'll go.

The following places are even worse to visit than Mt. Vernon, Illinois, which must be a decidedly miserable place. I don't know this from experience, having never visited the town myself, but I would assume it to be true because there is someone living there, I know not whom, that looks at this blog more than I do. I am not complaining, just pitying the fool. But hey, at least he or she doesn't live in...
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Bogota, Columbia - Surely it is a beautiful city, with great food and a great night life, but unless you are a left-leaning marxist revolutionary, or you have a fetish for being kidnapped and held for ransom, I'd be a tad wary of traveling here. It has gotten better since the 90's, but with FARC and the cartels prowling around, there is big chance you might soil yourself.

Those peace lovin' FARC rebels

Pyongyang, North Korea - Three cheers for oppression in every sense of the word. If you are fond of having practically zero political, economic and social freedom, then this might be the place for you. From Wiki: The media of North Korea is one of the most strictly controlled in the world. As a result, information is tightly controlled both into and out of North Korea. The constitution provides for freedom of speech and the press; however, the government prohibits the exercise of these rights in practice. In its 2008 report, Reporters Without Borders classified the media environment in North Korea as 172 out of 173, only above that of Eritrea. [79]

Only news that favors the regime is permitted, whilst news that covers the economic and political problems in the country, or criticisms of the regime from abroad is not allowed.[80] The media upholds the personality cult of Kim Jong-il, regularly reporting on his daily activities.


And OH what activities they are. This man, if his claims are taken to be true, is the most amazing, accomplished human on earth. According to North Korean officials and state media, Kim boasts a photographic memory, has piloted jet fighters, composed operas, directed globally acclaimed movies and hit 11 holes-in-one in the first round of golf he ever played.

Kim, you sexy beast.

Baghdad, Iraq - In ancient times, probably a wonderful city to visit. It was situated in the middle of Mesopotamia, Tigris and Euphrates you know. These days, not so much. War-torn landscape, bitter insurgents, automatic weapons everywhere. No thanks. Maybe after the whole thing is sorted out, but at the moment these people are dealing with becoming a Democratic nation, a change thrust upon people who have been living under a theocracy for longer than anyone can remember.

I would liken the political situation there to Foie Gras. First, We force-feed this stuff down their throats. It ends up being way too expensive, the price tag so high that no one should want to pay for it. And lastly, no sane person would want the mess on their plate.

Side note, I would like B Harris to go there with a God Bless the USA t-shirt, Cowboy Hat, and American flag cape, just for good measure.

Future B Harris on vacation in Iraq

Paris, France - OH, I don't know Lloyd. The French are assholes.

In French - Je ne sais pas Lloyd, les Fran├žais sont des trous de cul

Mogadishu, Somalia - Many of you apparently would have visited here rather than lose a front tooth. Lunatics.

From Wiki: With the collapse of the central government in 1991, Mogadishu has been the stage for 17 years of fighting between rival militias. Years of civil unrest and uncontrolled insurgencies against Ethiopian occupation have transformed Mogadishu into one of the most dangerous and lawless cities in the world.[4] Estimates of the city's current population vary greatly, with figures ranging from 1.5 million to 3 million, as many of its former inhabitants have fled.

And not to mention f*cking pirates. Let's go here, sounds fun.

Somali Pirate

Gaza City, Gaza - I don't know about you, but I am not really a fan of getting blown up by a burqa whilst waiting in line for a coffee or motzo balls, or gefilte. The place just looks miserable, it's a barren wasteland, why does anyone even want to live there? I wouldn't go there if you paid me. Well, maybe if you paid me, there was a sexy broad involved and I could wear a sweet vest, bulletproof or otherwise.

Anywhere that is not Cancun, Mexico - I don't know if you have been following this, but Mexico has become a death zone. In 2008, more than 5,700 – criminals, soldiers, police, journalists and bystanders – were killed. All thanks to the drug cartels that are flooding the US with drugs. They are damn ruthless and bathing in money.

Sign me up.

1 comment:

  1. What is the cuisine of Kabul? Thinking about visiting, just need your insights.

    ReplyDelete