3.20.2009

What happens to a dream deferred?

For some odd reason, women are born with a knack for ruining things. They ruin music with their songs. They ruin traffic patterns with their driving. They ruin shoes with their laces. They ruin quality movie/television time with their incessant yammering. They ruin fun. This is all well and good and can be tolerated, because as B Harris' intimate lady friends would say, "we do have to put up with all that poking and prodding."

But really girls, I can't tolerate this one particular thing anymore. The use of raisins in perfectly edible foodstuffs is no longer acceptable. Do you know how much better cinnamon and raisin bread would be without the latter? How about a nice bran muffin without some god-awful mushy mass messing it up? Oatmeal cookies. Delicious. That is until I get to the stupid raisins. If I didn't loathe hippies and raisins, I would love trail mix, but apparently, all of you (dunces) are in confederacy against me. I am not the only one feeling these effects though. I feel bad for babies too. All their mothers are feeding them raisins by the handful and they don't have the power nor the wherewithal to refuse. They just have to choke them down. Enough, I say.

Sirs,
We don't have to put up with this anymore. The next time someone (i.e. woman/sodomite) has the audacity to present you something with raisins as an ingredient, do not eat it. First blame them. Then, if you are a timid and weak individual, merely throwing it directly in the trash will suffice. But, if you have some semblance of a sack, throw it directly at her, making throw up faces and the like. They'll get the point, and will, I'd assume, automatically start the process of cooking/baking something a little more appetizing for you. I'd like to say that they'd do this without another word, but we all know that is virtually impossible.

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